The 3 C's

“I feel so alone”

“I thought I was the only one going through…”

These are statements I have heard numerous times. How in a world of 6 billion people can anyone be alone? What is going on here? The truth is, this world is built around distraction and isolation. It’s no wonder we eventually feel alone when we are bombarded with messages telling us to only think of ourselves.

The reality is when I live or believe that I am alone and feel isolated, my strength is neutralized and my power impotent. Again our media supports this by telling us that our neighbours are terrorists and criminals keeping us house-bound and silent. BUT! And it’s a big one! If I reach out and discover the 3 C’s: Community, Communication & Caring, I tap into real power and the strength of many. Wars are won with groups of soldiers each one with a role to play. Our collective voice backed by action will move politicians, stop violence on our streets and ultimately shape our world. Remember you are not alone. Be the change – it starts with you!

-Ron J.

FEEL vs THINK

It occurs to me that there is a lack of understanding as to the correct use of the word ‘feel’ and its derivatives, as is evidenced in the very common occurrence where it is interchanged with the word ‘think’. Here is an example: “I feel that you are not listening to me” vs. “I think that you are not listening to me”. I don’t profess to be an English scholar and there are many other examples I could use but the point is this; the word ‘feel’ implies emotional language or tactile senses, ie. sad, angry, happy, joyful, grateful, pain, hunger, etc. To think, is to create thoughts and thoughts may lead to feelings, the thought preceding the feeling.

The thought and feeling must be expressed separately for communication to be accurate. To expand on the earlier example; “I feel that you are not listening to me” becomes “I think you are not listening to me and I feel frustrated.” Which version conveys more information?

Being accurate in communication increases my chances of being understood and enables me to build deeper, stronger relationships in every area of my life. Pay attention to the use of these two words in conversations and the media notice when it is being interchanged or misused. MEN use far fewer words per day than women so let’s make sure the words we use count.

-Ron J.

Is it kind, needful & true

There’s been many occasions when I’ve wanted to say something to someone that I feel the need to say but I’m not sure if I should or not. A really good friend of mine suggested to me one day to consider 3 things before opening my mouth (or "before saying something"): Is it kind? Is it needful? Is it true? That has really helped me when it comes to making a decision whether to speak or not. Quite often I’ll say something to someone that’s true but it’s not kind. That’s where tactful and kind communication must come into play. There are times where something is true and I can be kind about it, but it really doesn’t need to be said. There could be a variety of reasons for not speaking. When something needs to be said, I believe we must be extra cautious of how we word it to the other person so that it’s kind, respectful and doesn't cause offense. (red period, not a comma) Keep in mind though, that we’re not responsible for how the person reacts, we’re only responsible for saying what needs to be said.

HALT

HALT: Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. I got this from a good friend of mine. It means never make any major decisions if you're in any of these states and especially if you're in all of them at the same time. That is when we have the poorest judgment and make the worst decisions. The kind of decisions that we could regret and/or having a big mess to clean up afterwords if it can even be fixed. My suggestion is if you're feeling any of these feelings while faced with an important decision is to tell that person you'll have to get back to them when you've dealt with one or more of the negative feelings you're experiencing. You could solve 2 of them quit easily by getting something to eat and getting some sleep. The other 2 could involve spending time meditating to get rid of the anger and spending time with a really good friend to take care of the loneliness. Notice how I said friend, not potential love interest. This could lead to a big mistake, if you know what I mean.

Always be willing to learn

No matter how old you are, you can always learn something from someone. That includes having the humility to learn something from someone younger than us and or less experienced than us. My samurai sword trainer is 63 years old and he's still willing to learn something from me. I'm 29. He really inspires me. I'm striving to be like that. My best friend is 5 years younger than me and she's taught me so much. It can be difficult at times to learn from someone younger than us because our ego will want to get in the way. It takes strength and humility. We all have different experiences and we can all learn from each other if we're willing to be open to it. Bruce Lee once said "Empty your tea cup and I'll let you have a drink out of mine".

Live Backwards

Ben's first duty as a new pastor was to conduct a funeral service for Albert, a man who had died in his eighties. Since he didn't know the deceased, he invited members of the congregation to say a few kind words about Albert.
No one budged. "Many of you knew Albert for years," Ben prompted them. "Surely someone can say something nice."
After an uncomfortable pause, a voice from the back of the room said, "Well, his brother was worse."
If you died tomorrow, what would people say about you? Would their comments make you proud of the way you lived and the choices you made?
There's an old saying: "If you want to know how to live your life, think about what you'd like people to say about you after you die, and live backwards."
Thinking about the legacy we want to leave can help us keep our priorities straight. When the end is near, it's not likely any of us will say, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." Unfortunately, many of us only begin to realize the value of the time we have after we've frittered much of it away in shallow ruts going nowhere important.
It's hard to think now what will matter later. But doing so can dramatically improve our chances of living a full and meaningful life with few regrets.
Knowing how we want to be remembered also allows us to make a strategic plan for our lives. How much wiser would our choices be if we had the wisdom and discipline to regularly ask ourselves whether all the things we do and say are taking us where we want to be at the end?
In a sense, we write our eulogies by the choices we make every day.
Michael Josephson

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

It's a cliche statement, but it's so true. Often times someone does something to us and we are hurt by it. Our knee jerk reaction is to do something back to them to get even. Getting even with them doesn't take the pain away of what they did to us. We need to forgive them for what they did to us and move on. We need to be the bigger and better man and act honorably no matter what they did to us. That can be a difficult, especially when someone has really hurt us. I've taken both paths in many instances and I can tell you from experience that acting honorably is way more peaceful then taking revenge. That to me is a real man.